suck up, suck in.

in my youth--even though, i may not have particularly realized it at that time--i was motivated by competition. i heard someone recently say that koreans thrive on competition, as if it was an innate trait. this is a complete generalization yes, but, for me, quite true. whenever i felt i had to compete, especially to "prove" myself, i took it very seriously. as a child, sometimes, a bit TOO seriously. it wasn't always necessarily healthy, per say, but i learned how to push myself, how to get things done.

when i was younger, i was a lot more flexible how things got done...and somehow, along the way, my brain has become stiff, much less flexible. i have begun training for work, a solid two weeks of understanding the academy's method, and i'm finding that this training is more of a training in understanding human relationships at a new workplace. and in this space, i need not be so competitive with the other teachers and not even competitive with myself. (especially during training!) it's difficult for me to contain my critical thoughts and my friend amanda, reminded me that in these types of situations, it's actually best to not necessarily reveal all that i'm thinking. i don't have to be a suck up, but i should suck it--my ideas and criticisms--in. i am reminding myself that there are a plethora of ways to get things done and that relaxed flexibility will be my saving grace. that and biting my tongue.