malaysia bound!

i leave for malaysia today--TODAY! i slept very little last night. my mind was alive with ideas of emerald blue waters, lush tea plantations, bright colorful buildings, crazy wild jungles...MALAYSIA!!!!!!!!

miraculous, efficient wonder

and just like that, i'm better. incredible.

the human body is a miraculous machine that when combined with massive amounts of sleep, (and eating a fair amount of 김치--kimchi!) will do the healing job, right. body, heart, mind, soul. amazing. the body. sleep. the sleeping healing body. thank you, thank you, thank you.

tomorrow, i fly to malaysia! MALAYSIA!

timing, timing, timing.

i'm going to get a lil personal here, so, if you don't like to hear about the "period," you might want to stop reading right now. (don't worry, i'm not going to get all graphic and use words like "chunks." instead i'm going to explain how my period is like my evil twin sister when it comes to timing.)

i'm sick right now. not dying sick, not h1h1 sick--at least, i don't think so!--but the damn korean colds are much more lethal than the american strands. now that i think about it, it's not surprising that i'd find myself in this position. i had, in retrospect, put too much social activity on my plate--it is so difficult to strike that balance, MEH!--and running around during inconsistent, swinging temperatures does not bode well on the immune system.

thankfully, i have time to sleep all day, to sleep away the sickness. but i realized that my back aches...uh-oh, is that from the cold? might i have the flu? but then i remembered, my period is scheduled to arrive tomorrow. good grief. whenever something else happens in my body, my period likes to make itself known. it's like it's saying, "hey! don't forget about me!" when i had my dental surgery, guess who arrived? period. other sicknesses or moments of serious pain...period. and now that i'm sick? period. okay, period. I GET IT. i will never forget you.

meditation

i did what i had originally thought would be a very difficult thing to do. i meditated for nearly 2 hours. i usually call yoga my meditation with movement. yoga focuses on the the breath, inhaling and exhaling, while simultaneously stretching, reaching, extending and balancing the body with focus and concentration. meditation, i realized is very much like yoga, only the movements and asanas i love, are replaced with other "movements"--my thoughts. i used to think i had an aversion to stillness, but, as i learned on sunday, my aversion is not from stillness, but rather, learning to acknowledge (and with time, accept) even the most particularly annoying aspects about myself.

on sunday, my friends and i joined others with an interest in meditation at hwagyesa temple where we participated in three 30-minute sitting meditation sessions interspersed with two 10-minute walking meditation sessions. i thought a lot. and instead of berating myself for thinking, i shifted my focus every time back to my breath. i thought about the annoyance of the mosquito that was biting me while i was meditating. i thought about how i could hear the man next to me falling asleep. i thought about how much cooler my body became once i was seated in one position. i wondered, more than once, when the session would be over. i thought about food.

my breakthrough thought: i realized that if i tell myself that i have nowhere else to be and nothing else to do but be here, i can relax a lot MORE in the here. so that's what i did. whenever i felt the nervous anticipatory energy of wanting to know what came next...i settled more consciously in the now. it was difficult. it was a lot of work. and ultimately, it wonderfully freeing.

2 years.

my second year anniversary in korea has come and gone uneventfully. it was november 5th/6th. (i left the states on the 5th and landed in korea on the 6th. the wonders of time travel.) time passes so terribly/ridiculously/inconceivably quickly here, it's hard to believe that it has been 24 months, 730 days, 17,520 hours in south korea. and yet, the calendar does not lie. 2 years.

in many ways, i'm rather pleased with my time here thus far...i've continued (it's a life-long process!) to learn more about myself and embrace my talents and continue to cultivate them, as well as learn to accept my foibles more humbly and gracefully. (and of course, live life with some gratuitous sass and flair, just for kicks!)

recently, i have thought a bit more deeply about my goals, my dreams and more about how to make them happen. this year, i vowed to do a hellavuLOT more doing instead of just thinking about doing...sometimes i have to (gently) remind myself but thankfully this persistence is rewarding: i'm fully on board the dilly-dally-not, get-shit-done train.

on jobs:
i don't begin training for my new job until december 14th, so in the meantime, i've been working part-time for my previous employer. nothing like working again to remind me of just how a decision was wholly right.

on not working:
since i've had the awesome time to create my day, i've been focusing on reading:
-a thousand splendid suns by khaled hosseini
-sputnik sweetheart by haruki murakami
-the wizard of oz by l. frank baum
-i'm a stranger here myself by bill bryson
-the art of travel by alain de boton
-lucky girls by nell fruedenberger
-life of pi by yann martel

i've also been focusing pretty diligently on what i like to call the f.c.p. i hate the word diet. my psychology teacher, the ever awesome jaine strauss, stated, "diet is an evil word," as an introduction to eating disorders, and i agreed. so instead of saying that i'm on a diet, i've devised my own acronym, f.c.p. which stands for food consumption plan. yes, i know. it sounds like all i do is consume food! isn't it great!?! basically, i eat less carbs and refined sugars, increase my intake of whole, raw foods, and eat 5 small meals a day. it requires a bit of work, but once you get into the swing of the f.c.p., the wonder of wholesome nutritious foods in your body is that it makes you feel refreshed, energized and just plain damn healthy. in addition to eating well, i've been exercising regulary--as in running up to 18 miles a week--and loving it! if i'm not running, i'm doing yoga and if i'm not doing yoga, i'm taking jazz dance classes. the time is now to do the things you say you want to do.

on korean:
i'm still studying korean and am trying to do something language related everyday. daily practice is the way to go! my language buddy, min hee is fabulous! and we meet once a week and have gotten to know each other well. we have a ball, checking out new restaurants, laughing while learning.

on sketching:
speaking of daily practices, i'm also trying to make it a good habit to sketch daily. i'm making small projects for myself and would like to share with you my creations! posts forthcoming. and with that, i will do as i say. happy anniversary, korea!

lately...

for as relaxed as i can be, i sometimes have a difficult time simply being still. my brain wanders and wonders far too often and in multiple trajectories which makes focusing a strained difficulty. lately, one of the things that i've found incredibly helpful in pinpointing concentration, even more than before, is exercise.

i have a new-found appreciation for running, especially running along the han river in the mornings, when the sunlight casts a particularly attractive glow on the high rise apartments, bridges, and the bikers that pass me by.

this morning, i geared myself up for the sudden cold weather by wearing my sexy spandex pants, cozy fleece jacket, toasty mittens and hat. i ran against the wind, so my legs quickly became numb, but as i found my rhythm, i turned my attention to my surroundings and happily observed the brilliance of the sunlight on the yellow curb, the orange underside of the bridges, the blue of the sky...it was really, really stunning. i liked being able to think about nothing else but what my eyes focused on at the moment...and allowing the colors to sink into my brain. the lines of the buildings, the arches of the bridges. i like that running serves as a twofold exercise. i'm so taken with running that i'm thinking of signing up for a 10k and maybe in the spring, a half marathon! (totally inspired by amber!)

a mishmash of it all.

i've been feeling rather ambiguous lately. it's like even my thoughts are indecisive and causing layers of (mild) confusion...there must be something about the air, the season, the change in weather that has suddenly made me feel very introspective, calmly aloof, and quizzical all at once. these emotions aren't necessarily grounding, but at the same time, they aren't terribly intrusive either. it is what it is, and then it's not.

my days of not working have come to an end. i started working part time for my previous employer, not because i want to but because i've got living expenses that need to be addressed. such is life. i'm glad that i've got autonomy when it comes to choosing which days i work and more happily, not work. freelancing is appealing! but, i think that for me, what's more appealing is enjoying where i work and what i do. i've been thinking that, as long as i enjoy, as in actually really LIKE what i do, then i won't so much mind the intense hours--it'll keep me busy in a good way. (italy, italy, italy!)

my temporary digs is proving to be very comfortable and convenient. it's close to my old stompin grounds, so, i've gotten to know various bus routes very well and i love love love the fact that it's so close to the river. i've been running at least 3 times a week. i started with 30 minute runs and have gradually increased the time to an hour. there's something very refreshing about running first thing in the morning, it's like a healthy treat from a solid slumber.

lately, my heart is pining. not for anyone specific persay, but for someone...who will be right for/with me. i need a vacation outside of korea! good news! i think i just may head off to malaysia for a week!