my face still hurts

in an effort to help clear my skin, i got a facial yesterday. i thought it would be relaxing and therapeutic. holy shit balls. it was one of the most painful things i've ever experienced. i am in awe that i voluntary put myself through the torture. okay. so maybe, just maybe, i'm exaggerating. a wee bit. but seriously, ya'll, it was baaaad.

my brief skin history:
looking back on old photos, i realize that i've never had model skin. i've had blemishes of course, but the red marks afterwards never lingered as long as they currently do. wtf?! it's a bit awkward for me to admit that i've become very focused on getting clear skin--shoot! who likes to feel self conscious?! i think it's because i've not had this severe of skin problems before. after a few months of over-active acne (think ruptures, think O-U-C-H!) i sought out a gentle cleanser, benzoyl peroxide and a light moisturizer that (after 2 months of use) has really helped my skin's appearance. i've since had very few break-outs, but, still have annoying red marks.

in order to make well informed decisions regarding my skin, i've asked friends, family, and have also referred to the internet, for explanations. a facial is supposed to clear up your skin, unclog pores, and all kinds of other good results for your skin. from my first facial, i knew that they unclogged blackheads but, that compared to yesterday's facial was a piece of cake. if i had 20 popped then, i got about 500 popped yesterday. no joke. i started tearing up, then crying. shit. is it worth it?!?! i don't know...i'm still on the fence. my face looks like someone took a brillo pad and scrubbed it, it's that red and SORE! see for yourself:

it's fascinating (and let's be honest here, a bit twisted) to think about what people, women in particular, put themselves through for the sake of "beauty." i'm still trying to understand what it means to me...a continuous work in progress.