breakdown

i flipped out the other day. flipped out. went postal, nuts, crazy. it was not fun. i have two major coping mechanisms. i either cry or laugh. most of the time, i opt to laugh, as i try to not sweat the little things, but, laughter couldn't cut it this time. i had a good long cry and for as exhausting and draining as it felt, i have to admit my cry-fest was going to erupt sooner or later. it's been a very stressful past two weeks.

what is most irritating is that the stress came from work, and i dislike letting work affect me so much! work schmirk! but, teaching is unlike any other job that i've had before. and girlfriend has had a lot of jobs! teaching is like acting, performing, thinking quickly, spontaneously and intelligently so, knowing your shit and being able to explain it clearly and in more than one way. this new term has had a rough start. i teach 3 new programs, 10 different classes, which equals 89 new students, double my student number from last term. in the hallways during break time i feel like i recognize about half the students' faces! it's super cute when they say, "hi teacher!" to me. i haven't memorized every student's name yet, so i'm constantly flipping through my mental rolodex.

for me, living a healthy and happy life is about finding balance...easier said than done, that's for sure. i allowed myself to feel like a victim and in some ways, i suppose i was, but i don't want to play that card. my schedule is very d-d-demanding as i'm constantly switching from one program to another. you know it's bad when a fellow instructor tells you that when someone complains about their schedule he says, "well, at least you don't have ji sun's!" mmm, hmm. that bad. but, such is life. suck it up. get it done. but first, cry and then effectively and calmly voice your displeasure. next term, i better effin be coasting! COASTING!

my fabulous friend kathi, sent me this hilarious--HILARIOUS!--award pin. it made me laugh so hard i almost lost my shit. too funny! and whenever i feel like i'm going to go over the edge, i want it to remind to lighten up. because i am #1 of fucking everything.


monkey has a new friend!