if we want to communicate and we have a strong aspiration to help others--in terms of engaging in social aspiration, helping our family or community, or just being there for people when they need us--then sooner or later we're going to experience the big squeeze. our ideals and the reality of what's happening don't match. we feel as if we're between the fingers of a big giant who is squeezing us. we find ourselves between a rock and a hard place.
there is often a discrepancy between our ideals and what we actually encounter. for instance, in raising children, we have a lot of good ideas, but sometimes, it's challenging to put together the good ideas with how our children are, there at the breakfast table with food all over themselves. or in meditation, have you noticed how difficult it is to feel emotions without getting totally swept away by them, or how difficult it is simply to cultivate friendliness toward yourself when you're feeling miserable or panicked or all caught up?
there's a discrepancy between our inspiration and the situation as it presents itself. it's the rub between those two things--the squeeze between reality and vision--that causes us to grow up, to wake up to be 100 percent decent, alive and compassionate. the big squeeze is one of the most productive places on the spiritual path and in particular on this journey of awakening the heart.
perhaps it's the shift in weather or the realization that my time in korea is coming yet again to another close, but, lately i've been thinking more about this idea, the squeeze between reality and vision and the moments that cause us to grow and to grow UP. i know that i have tendencies (as do most people--it's the human condition!) to glamorize the ideal job, situation, lover, and yes, even my own identity.
on sunday night, a friend of mine shared with me his ideas of why i'm still single. (ain't nothing wrong with being single! he was you know, just sayin.') it was interesting for me to try to listen without any defensiveness and with an open heart. i'm going to be honest and say that it was difficult to be wholly neutral since i felt that there were certain questionable claims. regardless, there was definitely some truth to his observations. it's true that i have a pretty direct plan in terms of wanting to farm and continue to make farm work my livelihood. it's also true that i am bold, direct and dynamic. it's also true that i'd like someone to fit (ideally) into my life. (what i didn't appreciate is that he made it seem like my wanting a partner fit into my life was such an uncommon thing.) but what's not true is that i'm not inflexible. it made me think about the big squeeze in relationships--how well do we know ourselves and our partners and how we communicate and is that knowledge rooted more in the ideal versus the reality of who we really are? how are we able to accurately make so fine a distinction? i don't know the answers and even if thought i did, the "truth" now wouldn't always be the "truth" later. what i do know, however, is that i appreciate and respect these grey areas of growth, spaces that encourage me to grow up, to be compassionate, and fully awake.
perhaps it's the shift in weather or the realization that my time in korea is coming yet again to another close, but, lately i've been thinking more about this idea, the squeeze between reality and vision and the moments that cause us to grow and to grow UP. i know that i have tendencies (as do most people--it's the human condition!) to glamorize the ideal job, situation, lover, and yes, even my own identity.
on sunday night, a friend of mine shared with me his ideas of why i'm still single. (ain't nothing wrong with being single! he was you know, just sayin.') it was interesting for me to try to listen without any defensiveness and with an open heart. i'm going to be honest and say that it was difficult to be wholly neutral since i felt that there were certain questionable claims. regardless, there was definitely some truth to his observations. it's true that i have a pretty direct plan in terms of wanting to farm and continue to make farm work my livelihood. it's also true that i am bold, direct and dynamic. it's also true that i'd like someone to fit (ideally) into my life. (what i didn't appreciate is that he made it seem like my wanting a partner fit into my life was such an uncommon thing.) but what's not true is that i'm not inflexible. it made me think about the big squeeze in relationships--how well do we know ourselves and our partners and how we communicate and is that knowledge rooted more in the ideal versus the reality of who we really are? how are we able to accurately make so fine a distinction? i don't know the answers and even if thought i did, the "truth" now wouldn't always be the "truth" later. what i do know, however, is that i appreciate and respect these grey areas of growth, spaces that encourage me to grow up, to be compassionate, and fully awake.
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