not too tight, not too loose. in the middle.

in buddhism, there's a path called the middle way that only you can find for yourself. it's personalized, meaning that no one, but YOU, can tell you your balanced middle way.

pema chodron says:

The middle way is wide open, but it’s tough going, because it goes against the grain of an ancient neurotic pattern that we all share. When we feel lonely, when we feel hopeless, what we want to do is move to the right or the left. We don’t want to sit and feel what we feel. We don’t want to go through the detox. Yet the middle way encourages us to do just that. It encourages us to awaken the bravery that exists in everyone without exception, including you and me.

Meditation provides a way for us to train in the middle way—in staying right on the spot. We are encouraged not to judge whatever arises in our mind. In fact, we are encouraged not to even grasp whatever arises in our mind. What we usually call good or bad we simply acknowledge as thinking, without all the usual drama that goes along with right and wrong. We are instructed to let the thoughts come and go as if touching a bubble with a feather. This straightforward discipline prepares us to stop struggling and discover a fresh, unbiased state of being.

The experience of certain feelings can seem particularly pregnant with desire for resolution: loneliness, boredom, anxiety. Unless we can relax with these feelings, it’s very hard to stay in the middle when we experience them. We want victory or defeat, praise or blame. For example, if somebody abandons us, we don’t want to be with that raw discomfort. Instead, we conjure up a familiar identity of ourselves as a hapless victim. Or maybe we avoid the rawness by acting out and righteously telling the person how messed up he or she is. We automatically want to cover over the pain in one way or another, identifying with victory or victimhood.

for so much of our lives, we are consistently taught and conditioned to understand and follow such binary thought patterns: right vs wrong, good vs bad, win vs lose, praise vs blame and these habitual patterns can create pain and disharmony. finding the middle path is a way to become more fluid, less judgmental and calm. finding my balanced, middle way is challenging but i'm trying my best to approach it with gentle curiosity and kindness. i want to stop struggling and see things for what they are, uninfluenced by my pendulum swing emotions but, focused on peace and with mind control.