wrong person + wrong time = sad face. (part 1.)

it's often times when you least expect it, that a random force from nowhere suddenly sweeps you off your feet, injects your heart with adrenaline, makes your stomach multiply with butterflies and feeds your soul with an earnest aching hope that perhaps, this time around has finally brought about the introduction of meeting that special someone who wants to hold your hand--even if it's sweaty and clammy--hold the door open for you, surprises you with flowers--that was placed in your bike basket in the wee hours while you were sleeping so that when you walked out in the morning, they were the first thing that greeted you, on a MONDAY.--laughs at your corny-not-really-that-funny jokes, finishes your sentences easily, and cradles your face with the sweetest kisses. (and then, the shit hit the fan...)

on sunday, july 22nd i went to a going away/surprise engagement party for my friends, pia and andre. it had rained earlier that day, my mood was cranky pants and i felt like a lazy bum. i didn't want to leave my cozy comfy home or have to make the effort to go north of the river, which would require two different bus rides. sometimes, it's those little things, like bus transfers, that are just annoying enough to tip you over the edge into inglorious lethargy. i realized however, that i didn't know just when i would see andre and pia again so, my good senses finally kicked in. i threw myself out of bed and into a dress and even added some more pizazz by wearing bright pink lipgloss. yes. i was ready.

by the time i arrived, the party was in full swing and i felt a bit awkward as i realized that i didn't really know many of the other attendants. it was like i was reverted back into middle school mode and i was  a new student and it was my first day of school and i didn't know exactly where to sit. yeah, AWKWARD. i, typically, am not a wall flower and i don't mind being in a room of strangers, but because i was already in such a strange "off" mood, i felt overwhelmed, shy and self conscious. i admitted this to andre and he immediately introduced me to one of his co-workers, a girl, named ashley. she was at the bar and had her back to me but when she turned around, i was immediately struck by her  charming energy and contagious smile. she asked if i'd like a drink and when i said yes, she poured me a hefty jack and coke. we took our drinks to a table and began to talk candidly, openly and genuinely about life in korea, the thrills of new york city, and whatever else struck our fancy.

when i asked her why she came to korea, she said she wanted to get far away from nyc and from a girl who broke her heart. i confessed that i want to be a farmer and by the end of the year i'd return to the states. we flirted and laughed and it was all so cute and fun...until i learned that she had a girlfriend...

feeling a wee bit sheepish!

yikes! how the hell did i not blog for the past 5 months?!? instead of making up lame-ass excuses for why i've been a blogging hermit, i'll just say, you know what? i got lazy. and now, i'm feeling not as lazy. done. now let's move on...

LIFE! (in photographic form.)
here's what's recently been keeping me curious, happy, and satisfied!

new york cheesecake!

meatloaf!

chicken pot pie!

coconut macaroons!

fresh tomato sauce!

delicious cookie dough!

oreo, chocolate chip and reese's pieces cookies!

crispy, salty oatmeal cookies!

exclamation!!!

besides cooking and baking, i've been feeling a whole lotta emotions. it's no joke that when it rains, it pours. i've been feeling some serious heavy boots (expression taken from jonathan safran foer's extremely loud & incredibly close). in the last month, my friend was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer and will have to undergo surgery, another friend's amazingly spirited grandmother passed away, a different friend's baby in utero is not responding to medications to reduce her heart rate which is over 200! i'm not trying to be debbie downer, but, it's times like these that really challenge our strength. it's also times like these that really help you, me, us! remember what's most important. LOVE.

letters home!

since my return to korea, i've made it a goal to send at least one letter, in korean, home to my parents. here's number one! i'm a little bit behind, but not entirely--number two is well on its way!

skype hearts and hearts!

this one. i love seeing this one's face all big on my computer screen! oh jaina! thank you skype for video chat!

my "man" hair cut

after seeing me with my hair down, many of my students were puzzled by the lack of hair they saw when i wore it up in a bun. they were stunned to realize that i had an undercut, something they like to call my "man" hair cut. i am a fan of stretching the boundaries of what's "acceptable" and enjoy not following the status quo of the korean woman trajectory.

i've always been quite adventurous with my hair and when my friend suggested this half and half style, i was all for it! i didn't know if i could wear it quite like anya donned it on project runway, but, i like how my version, with bangs, suits me!

i was so pleased the other day, when my student annabeth told me that she explained my haircut to a few of her classmates at school and they all agreed that it was unique. one of the girls even stated that she wants a haircut like mine when she grows up! YOU GO GIRL!

baking machine!

i'm a baking machine these days and i like it! when the mood strikes, go with the mood!

drinks, dinner, coffee.

when it rains, it pours. most flatteringly, i've been receiving more attention from men online, lately.  a couple of them are out-of-left-field random--a guy i met once in baltimore who tickled my fancy but ignored my phone calls then, wants to visit me now, say what?!?--and some of them have been consistent email-pals.

3 weeks and 5 dates ago, i met a guy who, at least initially, didn't necessarily spark too crazy of an interest, but nevertheless, entertained my curiosity. we emailed brief exchanges for a month when he asked me out to coffee. i inadvertently ignored his request, yet he wrote again with a "no response. boo." direct, to to the point and cute. we agreed to meet on a sunday night for what i thought would still be coffee but drank tasty cocktails instead at an 8th floor sky bar overlooking the city-scape.  i did not mind this.

rather immediately, i could sense in myself the shift i felt from our online interactions to our face-to-face conversations. he was significantly more interesting in person and i was glad that he was persistent in meeting me, despite my forgetfulness. our conversations ranged from typical first date banter to more in-depth discussions about the culture of teaching english--he's an english teacher too and has lived in seoul for a year and half.--race, identity, and american values. born in san diego, raised in las vegas, schooled at the university of texas--austin and experienced brooklyn living, he has his mfa in writing and is a teacher by day and a novelist by night. he has a quick wit, sharp sense of humor and is charmingly humbly genteel. he has treated me to drinks, dinner, coffee and most recently brought a bottle of wine and a pint of ice cream to my house when he came over for dinner. it's these little gestures that i find sweet and telling. so far, before every date ends, he asks me beforehand when he'll get to see me again. he makes me smile.

gleaning from my most recent interactions with (immature and self-centered) men, i've learned more about myself and what i'd like in a loving, romantic partner. i don't want someone who makes me feel anxious and then, when i share my concerns with him, justifies his rude behavior and ignores my requests and makes me feel small. i want to be with someone who is caring, thoughtful, kind. someone who is willing to listen and then be open to shifting, adapting, and changing with me, with the relationship.

i don't know quite yet about this one and i'm pleasantly in no rush. as of now, i am certain that i like getting to know him and i enjoy our time together...let whatever else unfold. time will tell.