t-2 days

in 2 days i'll undergo dental implant surgery. it's been a while in the making, an exhaustive emotionally charged undertaking in trying to find a dentist that i trust. i traveled throughout seoul to 6 different dental clinics. i gauged prices, critiqued offices, and scrutinized information. this was done in mostly korean. x-rays and mirrors were incredibly helpful. there were a lot of words i didn't know. however, i finally decided on a dental clinic that is conveniently located within a 15-minute bus ride from my house. this clinic also received a thumbs-up from friends who've not received implants, but other tooth services. an added bonus.

so what exactly are dental implants? they effectively replace lost teeth. i lost my left front tooth (no. 8) and the tooth directly next to it, tooth no. 7 as a senior in high school. it's a long story, and i'll revisit that at some other time, but suffice it to say that a hard floor, shrieks, shock, denial and plenty of novocaine were involved.

thursday, at 10:30am, my dentist will open up my gum lining to get to the bone of my gums. yeah, they're essentially going to skin my gums open to get a real good look at the density of my bone underneath. it's been 10 years since i've actually had teeth or any other root like structure in my gums, so there has been significant, but not irreparable bone loss. my dentist will gauge at that time, what one of things two scenarios will be mine.

1. drill two holes, insert two titanium rods into my gums while also giving me a bone graft, bone material that will congeal with my existing bone and strengthen the rods that have been drilled. YES, DRILLED. in my mouth.

or

2. simply give me a bone graft if i don't have enough already existing bone mass to support the titanium rods that will be, ahem, YES, DRILLED into my gums at a later time.

i'm hoping that scenario 1 will happen. giddy up! it's been 10 years, 10 YEARS, since i've had a full set of teeth in my mouth and i am ready! now, i will not have permanent teeth right away. after the rods have been drilled, (alright alright, i'll stop with the drilling!) and the bone graft completed, i have to wait. i have to wait anywhere from 3-6 months until the bone graft has healed and osseointegration (osseointegration n. defintion: is the direct structural and functional connection between living bone and the surface of a load-bearing artificial implant, typically made of titanium. It is a property virtually unique to titanium and hydroxylapatite, and has enhanced the science of medical bone, and joint replacement techniques.) is complete.

they'll give me different falsies--i have no idea what they'll look like, but i hope they'll be a decent pair!--to wear in the meantime.

am i scared? fuck yes.
and i excited? hell yeah.

a sad pocket

inside, there is a sense of emptiness, this sort of void that is his shape. and it will close over time. and it has already begun to close. but sometimes it re-opens, when i am reminded of something that he liked. or someplace we've been to together, or a shared comfort i witness in other people that we used to share.

thyroid awareness

online articles like these:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-mark-hyman/hypothyroidism-how-your-t_b_243006.html

make me happy and thankful for increased thyroid awareness.
take care of your thyroid.
fuck yeah.

a shout-out

to my family and friends for your loving words of encouragement, inspiration, understanding, compassion, sass, hilarity, selflessness and wisdom. i thank you most sincerely. i am moved by your kindness and generosity, dependability and spontaneity. thank you, thank you, thank you...

t-7 days

this time next week, i'll be lying on my back, in a reclining chair at my dentist's office getting two holes drilled into my gums. oh SMACK!

a long walk there...

but totally worth it! welcome to song's kitchen. an adorable, inviting restaurant with eclectic decorations. it's a cozy museum of trinkets, randoms, and lights. i love it. my friend, christina and i ventured out in the rain to a quieter part of seoul and what awaited us was exactly what i had been craving: good food to warm the belly and the soul.








spicy rice cakes with seafood:

kimchi fried rice, topped with an egg:

without a celly

nothing like having something break on you to make you realize just how often you use it! last thursday, my cell phone started to act a bit odd by doing things i didn't tell it to do. it was having touch hallucinations. i dig my cell phone's touch screen, but not if it doesn't allow me to access anything.

so on thursday, it began to act strangely and by friday early evening, it was out. i couldn't text, i couldn't access my phone book, i couldn't call. the only functional thing was that people could call me. that's it. and in korea, most people don't call, they text--why? because it's mad cheaper. lucky for me, my friends rock and thankfully, i have skype.

my friends are amazing. no joke.
on friday, after i realized that my phone was on the fritz, i wanted to take it to the service center, immediately. just as i was about to grab my umbrella (we're in the thick of rainy season) i realized to my extreme disappointment that it was gone. GONE. some punkassbastardbrats stole my freakin umbrella!!! and i lost it. that was the straw, man, the final straw. i had had a strange day, a strange and emotionally draining week, and then my phone gets all whack and then as murphy's law would have it, my umbrella was stolen. i couldn't help it, nor did i want to, i began to cry...my beautiful friend, eun young hugged me, and told me that everything was going to be okay and she told me to cry, to let it all out. and it was really cathartic. i didn't want to, but i had to teach in 5 minutes, so i freshened up and went to work.

later that night, eun young called me and told me to go to the front desk after class. she said she brought me an umbrella! what?!? WHAT?!? i had mentally prepared myself to walk home, in the rain, and be done with it, but my friend, my sweet sweet friend, bought and brought me a new lovely umbrella. i almost cried again, this time, not because my heart felt so empty, but because it felt so full.