in the weeds

"in the weeds" is an expression in the service industry that suddenly popped into my head while i was ruminating my current mood. the key word: weeds. i'm sure you can gather that it's not the most favorable place to be.

to be in the weeds means: 1) to have too much to do. 2) to not be able to keep up or accomplish all the tasks set before you. 3) a feeling or act of being behind in one's work. 4) a very bad place.

oh. a very bad place, indeed.

i'm so in the weeds, it's not even funny. but it is. and then it's not again.

week 2 of work felt twice as intense as week 1. gone are the introductions. they've been replaced with lessons that are literally planned an hour in advance or on the spot as i go. historically, those kinds of preparations make me anxious and nervous. i like to have my shit together. i like to feel like i own the material. it also makes me feel terribly uncertain to teach the things i myself have learned or re-learned just an hour ago.

(on a related note, here's an interesting and illustrative article on what makes a good teacher: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/print/201001/good-teaching)

my brain feels flooded with a random collection of sporadic thoughts and reminders. this bombardment of disorganized tangents gives me a horrible overarching sense of urgency that paralyzes me...and then i remember that these issues are only as big or as small as i allow them to be.

i'm learning (again) how to take things lightheartedly...to not add weight to the things that are rather weightless. it's tricky, but, the more i focus on the weightlessness, the more i find peace within the madness.