some fundamental differences that raised my eyebrows: ashley likes cities, i want to be on a farm. she's super into movies and tv and the internet and all things tech savvy, i like diy projects that involve a lot of crafts, knitting, baking, and cooking. i love the outdoors and would rather be hiking on a mountain than in the urban jungle, she loves the hustle and bustle, the constant movement and action of a metropolis. i need solitude, she finds alone time, boring.
yet despite all of these stark and obvious differences, i was still willing to be patient, to continue to better understand her and myself in this relationship. in the past, i've typically bolted at the first sign of a serious difference in budding relationships. call it my killer gut instinct or simply my inability to tolerate seemingly irreconcilable differences, but at this point in my life, i know myself and my patterns of behavior well enough to have a very good idea of what will and won't weather the storm. now, some might say that i'm steering the course prematurely, which may or may not be true, but i honor myself and my actions. with ashley, however, i truly worked beyond my comfort zone because i really liked her and i liked spending time with her. i loved creating our own secret language and replaying inside jokes, laughing until our bellies ached and our cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
BUT...it became more and more obvious to me just how immature and selfish she could be. one night she told me that she had a dream where she told a friend that she thought she had to break up with me and then confessed that she didn't know if she should be with me. i have never had this conversation with someone and not had a breakup...i don't know why she would mention it to me unless she actually wanted to end the relationship. i was confused and hurt by her insensitivity on the issue. it's one thing if you and your partner need to discuss the problems of a relationship and attempt to resolve the issues, but, it's different if your partner no longer wants to be with you, and furthermore, makes no effort to improve the relationship.
a few days later, we had a really heart opening honest conversation about how we felt in the relationship and she admitted that she had said those things to push me away but that she really didn't want that to happen. i was even more confused! why would you want to push me away? why not just talk to me! communicate! and that's when i realized we communicate differently and a huge chunk of our time together was me consoling her insecurities...it was exhausting and i grew progressively more and more unhappy.
people say that when a relationship is no longer mutually beneficial, it's time to end it. it was difficult for me to see any benefits from our relationship so, instead of prolonging what seemed to be inevitable, i did what i felt was right to do and i ended it the night after ashley admitted to me that she missed her ex and had communicated with her. in telling her my decision, i tried to be compassionate and practical. there are definitely times that i miss her but, i know that the wrong person at the wrong time is the wrong relationship.
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