wrong person + wrong time = sad face. (part 2.)

speaking with ashley that night made me feel vibrant, flirtatious and excited! years ago, i had entertained the idea of dating ladies. (women are beautiful!) but, after a few mismatched dates in dc, i didn't actively pursue it. from time to time, however, the thought would cross my mind again. that night, i knew i wanted to date ashley.

i have my boy crazy tendencies so to experience what i typically feel for an attractive guy with an attractive girl instead was awesome and surprisingly natural. the only caveat? she had a girlfriend. when she told me that, i thought to myself, "of course you have a girlfriend!" and then aloud i said, "so, you've been flirting with me the whole night and now you tell me you have a girlfriend?" to which i was given a slightly embarrassed look. at that point, i knew that our relationship would have to take the form of an awkward friendship because she was already involved. disappointed and slightly tipsy, i made my rounds of goodbyes to pia and andre and just as i was about to make my exit to catch the last bus back home, ashley offered to walk with me and i did not object. in fact, i was pleased to be able to laugh and talk some more, even if it felt like a terrible tease. i'm definitely partly to blame in this tease-fest because i asked her if she'd like to get together for coffee soon. she said yes and we tentatively agreed to meet the immediate wednesday.

before the date, we talked on the phone and had hours long conversations, getting to know each other and having a lot of fun, simply talking. it was on tuesday night that she informed me that she broke up with her girlfriend (she mentioned that things were already a bit rocky well before she left for school in australia.) and i was shocked. i suppose i just didn't see that as an option, or that it would happen so quickly. it also made me feel wary of our relationship--i wondered if she was "ready" to begin dating me so soon after a breakup.

nervous but still very thrilled about seeing her again for our first date, we met in sinsa and ate delicious deli style sandwiches. we celebrated such wonderfully buoyant energy between us with stories of travels and foods. the date continued with a super fun scooter ride, walking along samcheongdong, holding hands, meeting her dog, calvin, walking to itaewon, and finally drinks with dinner. our first kiss was electric and sweet and just so right. it was an INCREDIBLE first date. it was actually an incredible first 3-4 weeks of marathon dates with happy smitten smiles and giggles galore.

but then, our fundamental differences began to emerge and my gut was starting to show signs of unease and discomfort...