feeling human.

yesterday, i went to visit my dear friend in the hospital. not too long ago, she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer which had already migrated to a lymph node in her armpit. the news was sudden, hard to swallow, and painful to witness. i have had distant relatives die from cancer and close friends' parents pass away from cancer complications and the word alone, cancer, feels so final. i am scared for my friend, but, prepared to be strong for her since what i see on the outside is nothing compared to what she herself must be experiencing internally.

this saturday marks 추석, the korean thanksgiving holiday and i'm counting my blessings. there is much for which to be thankful. after the interactions i observed at the hospital, i realized, yet again, with stunning clarity, how amazing it is to be healthy. i wanted to share this life lesson--the importance of all around health!--with my students and so, today, i shared openly with my first tues-thursday class how concerned i am for my friend.

what happened next was so beautiful--they raised their hands and shared candidly how cancer had affected their own families, taking the lives of their aunts, uncles and grandparents. nearly every student in class has had a cancer-related death in their family and so, i felt comforted by their experiences.

i didn't mean to, but i got emotional while talking about my friend. she means so much to me and to see her in so much pain but to feel so helpless about it, just may be one of the worst feelings in the world. i began to cry in front of my students and from the expressions on their faces, i could feel their empathy for me. i felt a bit sheepishly awkward so i started to laugh--i do that sometimes--and explained, "you see students? you can laugh and cry at the same time!" and they laughed with me because that's what people who care about you do.

i am and was not ashamed to cry in front of my students--if anything, i hope that they take it to heart that your health is vital for a happy life. i like that by doing that, i feel like i became less of a "teacher" and more of a human.