old men, old misses, and a break from it all.

in the korean language there are specific words for people in various roles and stages of life. this doesn't mean that it's rude or impersonal, but more like a general generic title. i can totally vouch for this because for most of my life, i've not known the names of my relatives other than who we were in relation to each other. for example, my aunts were simply called aunts. i had more than one aunt so they were called who they were in birth older: "first born aunt" or "older aunt" and "youngest aunt." this same rule applies for my uncles. actually, now that i think about it, this rule applies mostly to those who are older than you or those whose age of which you are uncertain, but have a suspicion that they are older than you! (korean-->confucian-->no disrespect to the elders.)

i called my cousins by their given name versus addressing them as "cousin." (interesting shift: these days, my brother and i do like to call each other by our sibling title rather than our given names--thanks arrested development!--and even emails begin with "dear sister" or "hello brother." ha!)

it's a just a given, like breathing, to address strangers with a title. (in the states, similar but not exact words would be "sir" and "ma'am.") the term 아저씨, ajusshi, is given to an older married man and 아줌마, ajumma, for older married woman. koreans in general age with a lot of MOXIE. they are fierce, tenacious, and unforgiving. they are also endearing, generous, and sweet. older koreans, like their generational global counterparts...HOLD UP. actually age doesn't even have to be considered--let's just say MOST people in general are stuck in their ways and ideas of what's acceptable, right and wrong, most of the time. we live in a world of such rigid structures and these days, i'm working on being more free and carefree in how i choose to live. however, choosing to live limitless-ly in a society that emphasizes limits can be quite challenging. i'm happy and grateful to be better equipped to more swiftly let go of what others (especially random strangers) think of me and how i don't match their idea of a, b or c. (daaaaang! just who do you think you are? get outta my face!)

in korea, if you are a woman who is of "marriage-able" age and are not married yet, you are:

1.) weird. clearly something must be wrong with you if you are not wed by the time you're 30!

2.) a hopeless case. how tragic, no one wants me! (i'm being 100% sarcastic as hell!)

3.) a 노처녀= old maid, spinster, aka, an old miss.

strangers whom i encounter usually ask me the following questions:

a.) where are you from?

b.) how old are you?

c.) are you married?

since i am not married, i embody numbers 1, 2,  AND 3 listed above. that makes me a weird spinster hopeless case. that is the presiding sentiment. which is why whenever i meet  아저씨's and 아줌마's who are open-minded and non-judgmental, i welcome them, intensely. it's literally like a breath of FRESH AIR.

last week, i met the coolest 아저씨. he was recommended to me from my friend who pleased with his moving services. he was reasonably priced, efficient and very capable. but the best part was that he was also friendly and gender neutral. we had a great chat about the joys of hiking and nature exploration in korea. he told me how he and his friends would go and take makkgeolli with them, a bottle or 5 of korean fermented rice wine, and on the hike up the mountain, they would befriend a group of 아줌마's who they knew brought with them the most delicious foods for lunch. often times, the women would invite the men to eat and the men would share their beverages--such a happy balance of food and imbibition. at the end of the hike and day, everyone departed, content with the day's events. no asking for phone numbers or attempts to replicate the magic of the day, just content to let it be and what is was at that precise moment. beautiful, really.

when i told him i loved hiking too he asked whether i hiked alone or with friends. i told him sometimes i hike alone and other times with friends. for a woman to hike alone is usually considered strange in korea, but he didn't even bat an eye. he didn't go on a tangent about how i shouldn't go hiking alone or tell me what other things that i as a woman should or shouldn't do. it was just so NICE.

he also didn't question whether i could "handle" moving the furniture or not. he just let me be. and that is all i think anyone wants to be, is to just have the freedom to be. without constraints or expectations. i want to remember this example of simply being and carry this with me in my own interactions and conversations. thank you, 아저씨!