no banana bread for you.

the other day, i woke up annoyed and slightly angry. i've been processing a lot of my thoughts and emotions about ashley and our relationship. right now, i am working very consciously on letting go--letting go of it all. the anger, the sadness, the disappointment.

breakups are never any fun, even when you know it's the right thing to do. there have been quiet moments where i reflect on how much i miss the fun that ashley and i shared. i then, immediately remind myself of the reasons why we are not together, but, there's still a bit of that lingering sadness. i know that this too will pass, but, sometimes, on certain days, inexplicably, i want to be a part of her life. but then again, when i think about the things she's said or done, that feeling is replaced with a gratitude in distance.

one of the things she said to me on the night we broke up is what i suddenly remembered the other day. she said, "i guess i'll never get to eat your banana bread." wow. not, "i'll miss YOU." but i'll miss the banana bread you never made for me. now, this may seem like something not worth getting upset over...but, in one sentence alone, i feel like this encapsulates a large part of our dynamic. in that, she expected me to do things for her--and that she didn't think very much about how her actions affected other people.  the immature part of me wants to say, that's right, no banana bread for you. but, i'm working on not being so petty and wishing good things for her. for me. separately.