drinks, dinner, coffee.

when it rains, it pours. most flatteringly, i've been receiving more attention from men online, lately.  a couple of them are out-of-left-field random--a guy i met once in baltimore who tickled my fancy but ignored my phone calls then, wants to visit me now, say what?!?--and some of them have been consistent email-pals.

3 weeks and 5 dates ago, i met a guy who, at least initially, didn't necessarily spark too crazy of an interest, but nevertheless, entertained my curiosity. we emailed brief exchanges for a month when he asked me out to coffee. i inadvertently ignored his request, yet he wrote again with a "no response. boo." direct, to to the point and cute. we agreed to meet on a sunday night for what i thought would still be coffee but drank tasty cocktails instead at an 8th floor sky bar overlooking the city-scape.  i did not mind this.

rather immediately, i could sense in myself the shift i felt from our online interactions to our face-to-face conversations. he was significantly more interesting in person and i was glad that he was persistent in meeting me, despite my forgetfulness. our conversations ranged from typical first date banter to more in-depth discussions about the culture of teaching english--he's an english teacher too and has lived in seoul for a year and half.--race, identity, and american values. born in san diego, raised in las vegas, schooled at the university of texas--austin and experienced brooklyn living, he has his mfa in writing and is a teacher by day and a novelist by night. he has a quick wit, sharp sense of humor and is charmingly humbly genteel. he has treated me to drinks, dinner, coffee and most recently brought a bottle of wine and a pint of ice cream to my house when he came over for dinner. it's these little gestures that i find sweet and telling. so far, before every date ends, he asks me beforehand when he'll get to see me again. he makes me smile.

gleaning from my most recent interactions with (immature and self-centered) men, i've learned more about myself and what i'd like in a loving, romantic partner. i don't want someone who makes me feel anxious and then, when i share my concerns with him, justifies his rude behavior and ignores my requests and makes me feel small. i want to be with someone who is caring, thoughtful, kind. someone who is willing to listen and then be open to shifting, adapting, and changing with me, with the relationship.

i don't know quite yet about this one and i'm pleasantly in no rush. as of now, i am certain that i like getting to know him and i enjoy our time together...let whatever else unfold. time will tell.