i should be doing my korean homework or cleaning house, but, i feel more like writing instead. it's nearing the end of october. november 5th, the day after election day, marks my year anniversary in korea and there's something about the one year marker that makes me feel very contemplative, appreciative, and homesick.
the good yet delayed news is that in 6 months time, i'll be returning home for a 2 week visit. i'm already looking very very forward to the it! i've already begun to make mental lists of places to visit, (nyc, dc!) friends to reconnect with, obligatory yet tedious tasks i cannot forget to complete (renewing my driver's license) and simply meandering. thinking of home, thinking of you.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
happy birthday, dad!
i just skyped with my dad and wished him a very happy birthday! we shared stories, and bits of everyday information. he made me laugh when he said that i was a korean, now. i told him that i was too strong to be a korean-korean woman and that in turn, made him laugh.
it's raining, i'm craving more sleep, and in 15 minutes i'm out the door to my korean class. you have no idea how happy i am that tomorrow is friday. or, perhaps, you do!
it's raining, i'm craving more sleep, and in 15 minutes i'm out the door to my korean class. you have no idea how happy i am that tomorrow is friday. or, perhaps, you do!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
why i love shavashana
i've recently finished reading the art of happiness by his holiness the dalai lama. (who, by the way, is still my hero.) in the final chapter, he informs his readers about how to begin to recognize and understand the nature of our mind. he gives instructions on how to meditate on nonconceptuality, which is not a state of dullness or a blanked out state of mind, rather it's the determination to reach and maintain a stillness, without conceptual thoughts. this is a very difficult task for me to do--to simply quiet my mind is hard enough!--but to try to not think, is something else all together. enter yoga and shavashana.
the other day i had a wonderfully therapeutic, rigorous power vinyasa yoga session and while i was in shavashana, i thought of nothing. yes, it's true. yes, it's also true that i think i entered the first layer of sleep but before that happened, i was in a blissful state of nonconceptuality. i realized this after shavashana, which means that i really wasn't thinking! but i was still present. awesome.
the other day i had a wonderfully therapeutic, rigorous power vinyasa yoga session and while i was in shavashana, i thought of nothing. yes, it's true. yes, it's also true that i think i entered the first layer of sleep but before that happened, i was in a blissful state of nonconceptuality. i realized this after shavashana, which means that i really wasn't thinking! but i was still present. awesome.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
PIFF--해운대:haeundae beach
the busan/pusan international film festival's hub was at haeundae beach. while waiting for our films to begin, we soaked in some sun, overheard snidbits of conversations, and read on the beach.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
what the fuck?!?
do you ever get the sinking feeling that whatever unfortunate and inconvenient issues were lurking just beneath the polished exterior of a workplace have suddenly been exposed and it's not the end but rather the beginning of a tedious and trying co-existence? yeah, welcome to my life.
somedays, i have a hard time comprehending what it is that people do as their jobs. just what EXACTLY do they do? based on my observations, people waste an incredible amount of time pretending to work or worrying and complaining about work but never actually DOING any work. the word efficiency seems lost and nonexistent in the korean office.
i'm not saying i'm the most efficient person in the world, by no means can i make that claim, martha effin stewart has just about everyone beat in that category. but, i do know how to manage time and lack of time managment seems to be the ultimate weakness in korea. i think one of the keys to "success" in life (fuuuuck, i sound like an annoying motivational poster) is the actual application of ideas, be they grandiose, innovative or simply smart. you've got to, as tim gunn, says "make it work!" and of course, making it work and making it work well produce two different effects. and what may i ask, what (and who) the fuck is working here?
my job is not the cream of the crop, nor is it peaches and cream, all that and then some. it's not. (it is also, thankfully, not the worst job i've ever worked) i never expected that--puhhhlease, i'm realistically idealistic so i'm grounded yet hopeful--but i did expect common sense to be present. the lack of basic knowledge was at first comical, but it is now getting absurd to the point of obscenity. whoa nelly! hold your horses...okay, okay, i'm adding waaay too much dramatic flair. but seriously, seriously?!?!?! in an unplanned meeting, my supervisor expected me to tell him the main points to a class curriculum i'm still creating. when i retreived my notes and explained spontaneously what i thought would be best, he then asked me to write him an email. confused by such a request, especially since i had just voiced my thoughts literally seconds ago, i asked him:
"you want me to write you an email about the things i just said?"
"yes."
welcom to office space, korean style.
somedays, i have a hard time comprehending what it is that people do as their jobs. just what EXACTLY do they do? based on my observations, people waste an incredible amount of time pretending to work or worrying and complaining about work but never actually DOING any work. the word efficiency seems lost and nonexistent in the korean office.
i'm not saying i'm the most efficient person in the world, by no means can i make that claim, martha effin stewart has just about everyone beat in that category. but, i do know how to manage time and lack of time managment seems to be the ultimate weakness in korea. i think one of the keys to "success" in life (fuuuuck, i sound like an annoying motivational poster) is the actual application of ideas, be they grandiose, innovative or simply smart. you've got to, as tim gunn, says "make it work!" and of course, making it work and making it work well produce two different effects. and what may i ask, what (and who) the fuck is working here?
my job is not the cream of the crop, nor is it peaches and cream, all that and then some. it's not. (it is also, thankfully, not the worst job i've ever worked) i never expected that--puhhhlease, i'm realistically idealistic so i'm grounded yet hopeful--but i did expect common sense to be present. the lack of basic knowledge was at first comical, but it is now getting absurd to the point of obscenity. whoa nelly! hold your horses...okay, okay, i'm adding waaay too much dramatic flair. but seriously, seriously?!?!?! in an unplanned meeting, my supervisor expected me to tell him the main points to a class curriculum i'm still creating. when i retreived my notes and explained spontaneously what i thought would be best, he then asked me to write him an email. confused by such a request, especially since i had just voiced my thoughts literally seconds ago, i asked him:
"you want me to write you an email about the things i just said?"
"yes."
welcom to office space, korean style.
Monday, October 6, 2008
i smell something FISHY!
my friend amanda, her co-worker adam, and i traveled to busan this past weekend to participate in the busan annual international film festival. on our way to the beach, we explored the ever popular jalgalchi fish market. there were, as to be expected, a ridiculous amount of fish and other such ocean creatures.
i gave shashimi another go, but, with little success. i really wanted to like it, but, there's something about the texture of raw fish that just doesn't match with my usually fickle-less taste buds.
tanks of unidentified sea creatures:
the chef, with our "catch" of the day: flounder and yet to be identified sea creatures:
the bloody preparation:
GO FISH!
smiling for the camera, pre-taste:
realizing that i had to swallow raw flounder because there were no napkins in which to discreetly spit it out:
i gave shashimi another go, but, with little success. i really wanted to like it, but, there's something about the texture of raw fish that just doesn't match with my usually fickle-less taste buds.
tanks of unidentified sea creatures:
the chef, with our "catch" of the day: flounder and yet to be identified sea creatures:
the bloody preparation:
GO FISH!
smiling for the camera, pre-taste:
realizing that i had to swallow raw flounder because there were no napkins in which to discreetly spit it out:
busan bound
there's something magical about longer distance train rides. there's something quietly spectacular about observing the passing of scenes--sky, mountains, farms, towns--and of absorbing the sounds of movement, the low and constant, production and simultaneous release of air. it makes me all contemplative and shit.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
close, but not quite right
on it not being quite right:
have you ever met someone whose qualities you find attractive and admirable and all those wonderful things yet you still can't honestly entertain the idea of being romantically involved with that person? and it's a shame, right? because this person could be just about as close as you can get to your current vision of an ideal mate, but you can't ignore that lingering feeling that it's just not, quite, right somehow.
i found myself thinking that way about someone i've met recently. he's a super cool guy: funny, smart, sarcastic but still idealistic--a tough combination to find, athletic but not a meat head, introspective and opinionated. yes, and he's also handsome. but, i think i'm projecting--correction. i AM projecting. which is why i'm cautious about my present emotions. this fleeting romantic feeling nestles in my thoughts during times of change and introspection. perhaps it's a combination of this shift in weather and my thought-provoking current reading list, but i find myself craving a very specific type of affection--geniune heartfelt affection people! not just sex!--and a desire to share and love.
and i know i'm projecting because i truly cannot say that i know this person very well at all. but what i do know, i like very much. but i also think that the reason i like what i know is because aspects of his personality remind me of some of my favorite people. and what is there not to like about that?!?! simple: illusions.
on whining:
i don't usually like whining. it's a rather unpleasant and distasteful sort of display. on the other hand, it is sometimes a relief to simply let the annoyances out...so here it is. where the hell are men of quality? (and conversely, i'm sure heterosexual men ask the reverse question.) living in korea has made me very much aware of my american cultural identity and i don't begrudge that, but, it certainly heightens and highlights differences. and i know i'm being fickle. i don't necessarily want a boyfriend, but, i want the option of having a boyfriend (which i know is selfish and arrogant but also understandable) and frankly, there simply are no options.
on letting go and beginnings:
not too long ago, i received an unexpected email from someone who was a very important person in my life for a rather sizeable chunk of my formulative 20's. not that i really need to quantify time, but, we were fabulously compatible, until we decided we weren't anymore.
the layers that you shed from a deeply rooted relationship can be one of the most painful yet exhilarating discoveries of the self. it doesn't end after you think you've gotten over it, in fact, it continues. the self discovery that is, thank the sweet baby jesus, the pain softens into acceptance and wisdom!
he wrote me an apology and as soon as i read his words, i cried. not in an overly dramatic soap opera queen type of way, but, with thanks for his acknowledgment. i knew that i had let go of the past and most of what it contained, but now i have fully let it go to welcome a friendship, refreshed and renewed. breathe out and breathe in.
have you ever met someone whose qualities you find attractive and admirable and all those wonderful things yet you still can't honestly entertain the idea of being romantically involved with that person? and it's a shame, right? because this person could be just about as close as you can get to your current vision of an ideal mate, but you can't ignore that lingering feeling that it's just not, quite, right somehow.
i found myself thinking that way about someone i've met recently. he's a super cool guy: funny, smart, sarcastic but still idealistic--a tough combination to find, athletic but not a meat head, introspective and opinionated. yes, and he's also handsome. but, i think i'm projecting--correction. i AM projecting. which is why i'm cautious about my present emotions. this fleeting romantic feeling nestles in my thoughts during times of change and introspection. perhaps it's a combination of this shift in weather and my thought-provoking current reading list, but i find myself craving a very specific type of affection--geniune heartfelt affection people! not just sex!--and a desire to share and love.
and i know i'm projecting because i truly cannot say that i know this person very well at all. but what i do know, i like very much. but i also think that the reason i like what i know is because aspects of his personality remind me of some of my favorite people. and what is there not to like about that?!?! simple: illusions.
on whining:
i don't usually like whining. it's a rather unpleasant and distasteful sort of display. on the other hand, it is sometimes a relief to simply let the annoyances out...so here it is. where the hell are men of quality? (and conversely, i'm sure heterosexual men ask the reverse question.) living in korea has made me very much aware of my american cultural identity and i don't begrudge that, but, it certainly heightens and highlights differences. and i know i'm being fickle. i don't necessarily want a boyfriend, but, i want the option of having a boyfriend (which i know is selfish and arrogant but also understandable) and frankly, there simply are no options.
on letting go and beginnings:
not too long ago, i received an unexpected email from someone who was a very important person in my life for a rather sizeable chunk of my formulative 20's. not that i really need to quantify time, but, we were fabulously compatible, until we decided we weren't anymore.
the layers that you shed from a deeply rooted relationship can be one of the most painful yet exhilarating discoveries of the self. it doesn't end after you think you've gotten over it, in fact, it continues. the self discovery that is, thank the sweet baby jesus, the pain softens into acceptance and wisdom!
he wrote me an apology and as soon as i read his words, i cried. not in an overly dramatic soap opera queen type of way, but, with thanks for his acknowledgment. i knew that i had let go of the past and most of what it contained, but now i have fully let it go to welcome a friendship, refreshed and renewed. breathe out and breathe in.
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